Spike's Misery
by foureyedbabe
Summary: Spike being miserable after he tells Buffy he doesn't like her. After the episode Crush. Season 4 or 5 I think. Oneshot.


Spuffy fanfic.

Spike felt worse than he looked. And he always looked good.

How could he be so stupid? To actually think that that bitchy brat would ever like him. Not just in a _romantic_ way but in _any_way.  
He probably ruined any and all chance he had with making her fall for him. And he wanted that more than anything. He felt something real for her. But she didn't. She was probably still hooked on that oaf Angel or that imbecile Riley.

Spike huffed and sat down in his chair facing the TV; which he didn't turn on.  
He'd missed an episode of Passions and was still grumpy over The Slayer. He grabbed a nearby whiskey bottle and drank heavily from it.

"So you're drowning your sorrows; is that it?" A female voice said from behind. Spike almost choked.  
He turned around in his seat. "Slayer." (Sigh) "What do you want?" He asked dully.

Buffy had her blonde hair up in an adorable ponytail and was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt.  
She walked over towards Spike and stood before him on his right side. Spike was sitting normally drinking from his bottle, now almost gone.  
"Mind if I sit?" Buffy asked. Spike hesitated then pointed to a small wooden stool in front of him.

Buffy sat down and stared at him while Spike continued to drink. Neither of them said anything for a while. They both just sat there waiting.  
"Look, did you really mean what you said earlier?" Buffy finally asked. Spike looked at her then shrugged. "I don't know what you mean."  
"Come on Spike, you know what I mean." Buffy pushed. Spike took a deep breath and let it out slowly; then shook his head.

"Why would you say those things? And why did you try and take me out on a date? You knew I didn't feel the same way. And you knew that I'm still…" Buffy trailed off. Spike looked at her. He put the bottle down and leaned forward. "Still what?" He asked. "That I still care for someone else." She finished.  
Spike leaned back and snorted. "For who? The big buff collage boy? Or your first love Angel? Oh no, don't tell me, I already know! It's that Xander fellow! I knew it! He's been pining for you since the day you met hasn't he?" Spike said. He stood up and threw the empty bottle against a wall then walked to his fridge.  
"You know that's not true; for either of us. We're just friends now. And we always have been; and we always will be." Buffy said. She had stood up from the stool.

"Well, isn't that just bloody grand? Now that all the other boys are gone, you only have one. And he isn't a boy either. He's a man. Unlike the others.." Spike said, muttering the last words.  
"What do you mean?" Buffy asked. "What don't I mean? You already know!" Spike said his voice rising. He slammed the refrigerator door then turned to Buffy.

"I think you've always known. Just like me, but I realized it first. I did try to take you out on a date. I do like you. But now it's more than that. I have to explain from the beginning.

"When I came to Sunnydale, with Drusilla, I trying to help her. Because I loved her. Then I heard about the Slayer; and that was just another problem that I could handle. So I set off to find you and kill you. Seeing as I'd done it before." (Smirk) "And I did find you. I tracked you down to some stupid club and you were dancing with your friends like you had nothing to lose. And that was when I think something ignited inside of me.

"I didn't know it then, and I wouldn't know until way later. But that night you changed me.  
Now let's just skip all the parts where we tried to kill each other and go on ahead to after Drusilla left me.  
I came back to Sunnydale with a broken, what was left of, heart.  
"And I was ready to kill you again. Anyone really. And I tried. Many times. Then I left again and came back and was captured by those damn bloody scientists. But I got free. Because one thought kept me going. You.

"Mostly just the thought of killing you, but after a while of spending time with you and the time we spent magically in love with each other, I think that was when I started feeling what was already changing me. You.  
"Then more things happened and I helped you and your lot out with your supernatural problems.  
And now what I felt then is at least fifty times stronger. I do like you. But not just that, I love you.  
I'm falling in love with you, Buffy. I can't help it. I can't be who I was before, because you changed me. You're turning me into the man I was when I was human. Only better.

"So before you tell me it will never work, and I also appreciate your silence while I pour my heart out to you, and tell you the things that I've needed to say since the day I met you, just know that I will never stop loving you. Trust me, this won't stop. And I will be there every day of your beautiful life making it brighter, and making you fall in love with me. I know I can make you happy if you just let me." Spike finished.

Buffy had just stood there listening to all his words saying and doing nothing. Then she said, "Oh Spike!" And ran around his chair and threw her arms around his neck and planted a passionate kiss on his lips.  
Spike had imagined and daydreamed what it would be like to kiss Buffy. This was better than anything he'd ever felt. It was better than Drusilla's kisses. Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy's waist and kissed her back with everything he had.

Spike woke with a start. The bottle of whiskey had slipped from his fingers and fell to the ground. Spike huffed and then rubbed a hand over his eyes. It was a really nice dream. And he wished with all his heart it had been real…

**A.N.**

**Sorry it was rushed. I was really trying to make it last but when I re-read it, it just seemed rushed. I'm sure what else to put in it. That's all I wanted in it. Also the writing sucks. I haven't written anything in forever. But Please tell me if I made any mistakes. No mean reviews! And thank you for reading!**


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